There is something you probably don’t know about me, and it may be a bit embarrassing.
 But, I just watched Brene Brown on YouTube, and if anyone can inspire vulnerability and openness, it’s her!
Flashback to the late seventies. Imagine, twenty years old, in a small town close to Paris, France. The Seine river sparkled in greenish-blue during the day and reflected the full moon at night. I really didn’t know much about the intricacies of relationships. I believed love was eternal and since I was a good-hearted person, my present and future were set in stone. Right? What do we know at twenty years of age? I trust you know the answer.

My boyfriend with who I was living with for the past two years, invited a very good friend of ours for dinner. When I woke up that morning, asleep in an armchair, I found him asleep, in bed with… her. 
I was stunned, to say the least. Betrayed? Most definitely.

Triple betrayals: my boyfriend betrayed me, my friend betrayed me, and my very own expectation or my belief in life–  if I were a good person, my future would fit in the Hallmark category movie forever! Ha! I will spare you details of that morning and the following week when I moved out and landed at a friend’s apartment. From the window, I could still see the Seine river, but I was now in a different town, Conflans Ste Honorine. The Seine river, majestic at night, was now reflecting the new moon, and still sparkled. But not me. In one week time, my life, as I knew it, had gone up side down. I know….. another opportunity to grow and learn… :0)

I was at my lowest, ever.
My ego was crushed, (the embarrassing part !!) my understanding of life took a 360 degrees turn, my self-confidence disappeared into a deep dark void along with my trust and my ability to function. Truly, I didn’t care about what was next. I barely ate. I was stuck. Time had stopped…..

Every morning, my friend Sylvie left her apartment to work in Paris. One day she called from work: “Take the train, come over, we will have lunch, you need fresh air.”  A few days later, I did take the train. I felt like a zombie in a fog so thick, I could barely see my surroundings and the people in it. This fog didn’t leave me for weeks.

I wish I had known then about the strategies to get unstuck. Life doesn’t come with a manual. I slowly created new habits that pulled me out of the fog, confusion, paralysis, depression and inertia. Simple steps, that pushed me out of the apartment and into fresh air. Slowly, the fog dissipated and a new vision and a new light emerged.

When we get stuck, we tell ourselves that this is it, that we will never be capable of rising up to build a new life, or get the dream job after being fired, or meet a new partner, or to find time for self-care while juggling life’s obligations. But, in fact, we can create a new reality for ourselves. I am the living-proof.

We need to shift our beliefs, create new habits, rely on a brand new mindset and cultivate acceptance about how long it will take to shift everything. Healing takes time but creation takes efforts and support. Are you in a difficult situation and lost your self-confidence, or do you not know what your next step is? Do you feel stuck and see your life passing by? Or, do you struggle by giving in to negative habits?

Here are a couple of tips to successfully create new ones.
1- when you implement one or two new habits, (more than two may create stress and we are not in queue to become super woman or super man. (They collapsed of fatigue a long time ago!) Piggy back one new habit with a well-established one. Stick to your new program for almost a month and the new habits will most likely remain part of your routine.

2- Get support from a friend who is also implementing new habits. Be accountable with one another, check-in with one another.

3- Reward yourself when you have mastered them. Yes, treat yourself to your very favorite latte, or a massage, or whatever else you choose, but celebrate your wins!

4- Then, create another set of 2 or 3 new habits. Move slowly, but surely.

And life goes on. I am living proof, we do recover and rebuild our lives. Actually, what a blessing this old episode was. A couple of years later, I landed in New-York and began a new life in the U.S.A. Yes, my accent didn’t originate in WA state! :0)

Dr. Sylvaine Francine